• Alyse

What a Pain

I'm not sure what to title this post yet, because I'm not entirely sure what I'm about to write. I have a few thoughts in mind. Let's see where this goes...

The past two days have been absolutely stupid. I've known about my horrendous headaches that I get every spring/fall or every time I drink too much, and by too much I mean two glasses of wine, or every time I say screw-it to my diet and eat a bag of chips and a handful of mini Reese's, for a few years. I had my head scanned a couple of years ago and it all came back normal, or normal enough to not explain the headaches whatsoever but I still get them regardless. I don't know what to call them. Cluster headaches? Migraines? An awesome combination? Something about pressure?! Who knows!

I'm stubborn enough to deal with them and very rarely take medication for it. I have to be having a really bad day to do that, and I've taken several types of medication over the course of the last 36 hours...

I was having a really bad day... or two.

Let's call that: Part 1

Part 2:

I hate being a complainer. I still do it, because I'm also a hypocrite. My family got all of their attention while I was growing up thanks to all of the shiz they were dealing with. Very rarely did my family get positive attention to something they did well. What they did well was be sick... always. Or emotional, or angry, or high. I grew up in that. I grew up watching my family get a lot of negative attention thanks to all of that and I didn't want to be like them. For that same reason I don't take medication if I feel I can bare with the pain.

For the most part I keep quiet. Yesterday when the sickness and dizziness hit me so hard I had to tell my boss that I couldn't come into work, well, that sucked. I was THAT sick. The night before I thought to myself "hey, you might be getting a cold, but hang in there, the week will be over before you know it, spring break is right around the corner, and you can rest then." And the universe said a big fat "NOPE! It's Monday morning, screw your week, I'm gonna hit you like a bag of bricks!" and then it did.

Thanks Universe! *jerk*

And that's when I went to Facebook to get advice from my friends and family...

Why do I do this?

To get attention because I love complaining...

No, actually, I hate that. I do it because I don't have a mother to call and ask for advice. I do it because I don't feel well equipped to handle my problems, so I ask my social network to walk me through it and hold my hand, because I hate dealing with everything alone.

That's what social media is really for, right?!

No, of course not. It's meant for memes, and angry political rants, or telling your friends they're wrong for liking that movie... which they are. So there.

So, there's two things I want to eventually talk about. This post will get rather long if I do that now.

1- Pain

2- Complaining

Because my book is very deeply involved with the world of opioids, or narcotics as I grew up knowing them, I have to talk about physical pain.

Our president of the United States, whether you voted for him or not, declared this a national crisis. A lot of us have forgotten this already. I remember, and I remember his speech very well. He declared a day to go cold turkey and get rid of your pills... This is laughable! I love the message behind the speech he didn't write, but the solution is not a good one.

That's my current opinion that I will expand on later. Not sure how much later, and really that's just me making sure you actually keep reading my blog... *wink wink*

So, please actually come back. I realize that our attention spans are short. I know because my daughter tried to get me to watch a ridiculous video of her filming a game she played with her brother that was ten minutes long... I couldn't do it.

She was disappointed, I will have to make it up to her, or let her father teach her how to shorten her videos and come to a point faster... Come to think of it, I could use a lesson like that...


Actually I need to learn to complain more. Haha.

For real, though. I've noticed as I connect to people, that they are very willing to share their pain in life. I love it. Please share! It's amazing to me. I want to know everything about the people around me. I don't find it annoying at all. So, this leads me to believe that I have my own perceptions all wrong. Maybe, just maybe, people want to get to know me and my pains too.

It was a very toxic environment that I created for myself when I shut down after Mom died. I don't want to be the annoying girl who thinks life is miserable and makes everyone feel bad for her. I really don't want to be that person. I actually love my life. It's beautiful and wonderful and I'm surrounded by dozens of people who love me! That's the most incredible thing. It blows my mind, but please don't let me be that person who only talks about the negatives in her life. There's a balance that I'm learning here, not one I will ever perfect, but I'm enjoying the ability to open up and not feel ashamed of myself for doing so.

OK, I'm going to wrap up my thoughts.

I won't lie, after migraines, incessant dizziness, and other things I won't explain, I'm actually not sure how to wrap this up. I think it's a small miracle that my head isn't throbbing right now.

I'll take my chances and get back to edits on my book and leave you here.

Good night friends. ♥

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