Everyone is sick of this isolation crap already. Me too. Everyone is sick of hearing about coronavirus or covid19. Me too.
But I can't stop thinking about it.
If you're sick of it and want to stop thinking about it, don't read on. I never have anything positive to share, and I'm definitely sitting in my emotions right now. Thus the blog.
I can't help thinking about what it might have been like to be in this situation with my family before they died. I know. It all ties back into that nonsense. Sorry.
I was essentially an only child. My older brother being ten years older, and living an entirely separate life from me. I was alone with those three women most of the time. I was the kid, and everyone else the adult. I feel happy right now knowing that my children, despite getting on each other's last nerve recently, have one another. In all of this they are not left alone when their mother, me, isn't available to do the kid-things they enjoy.
I remember sitting and playing monopoly on my own because I really wanted to play board games, but had no one to play with me.
I mean, in some ways I feel like I already did this once. Not out of necessity or because of some scary illness, but because I've always been the thing my fifth grade bullies called me: a loner.
In my family and out of it.
But I still wonder, because this is mandatory in a way. We need to do this for the sake of humanity. For the sake of keeping numbers in hospitals down so we don't overrun them and cause further issues. That's really what this is about. I hope people can see that side of it. It's what happened in Italy.
What if I'd had to do this while I was a depressed, loner teenager with the family I was living with?
I write books for a reason. Because I don't want the same life for others that I had to endure. Because it sucks! We had happy moments, but it was not a happy life.
Teenagers right now, today, have it worse than I did. Because I didn't have to deal with this, on top of all of that nonsense (and every time I use a word like nonsense I really mean bullshit, but I'm trying super hard to hold back).
You know someone who is being abused right now.
That's the end of it. That's the moral to all the stories I write. You know someone. And what the hell can we do about it?!
My dreams of being a successful writer are dying right now. So I need to be more creative and think of things to help that! That statement you just read. Not the "my dreams are dying" one, but... I mean, the other one, damnit. The one about abuse.
The world is changing. Some of it might go back to normal but a lot of it will change permanently.
Did you listen to my podcast? No, because only 9 people downloaded that last episode.
That's fine, I'm fine.
Here's what I said:
Right now there are people committing suicide.
Right now there are people overdosing.
Turning to drug dealing/trading. (as an aside, would you like to know how that all works while the world sits in isolation?)
Murder. Crime. ... etc.
Depression, anxiety... (I think my body is having a very real issue over the stress of all of this nonsense).
And we can't see any of it, because we are all at home minding our own business, and/or hopping online to laugh at the latest memes being created about this self-isolating, toilet-paper hoarding society.
While mothers like me try not to fall apart as they are thrown back into homemaker roles, and trying to decide if there's a man out there they can murder so they can continue living their dreams and actually having a career and a family too.
As a non-specific example.
If I'd had to endure all of this, with my other family, the one I grew up in, who knows what that would have even looked like.
There's a child out there trying to decide if they can handle this, and they're not able to ask for help because of quarantine and self isolation. Social distancing. Phrase of 2020. I already want to throw that phrase against a wall and bash it's brains in. If I hear "social distancing"... one. more. time....
But I'll hear it a thousand more times today alone.
It's fine. I'm fine.