I had a really catchy title for a blog the other night, and of course I didn't write it down. I've learned the hard way to write things down, and I've also learned that sometimes I just can't get up off of my chair because it's been a really long day, and some thoughts can give. I feel like too much is giving right now. I want so badly to get back to sharing, and focusing on my book/books. I have so many ideas and plans, but I've taken on too much, but that's also really good for me. I can't imagine trying to sit at home and be self-driven while my kids are at school. Being alone in this house drives me absolutely INSANE! Going back to work was the best thing I could do for myself, but that has come at a cost. Of course though, it's Sept. and I'm a teacher, or as much of a teacher as I can call myself. This just means that I'm busy because the school year just started. I hope it winds down soon so I can come back to this.
I work with really little kiddos who are just starting their lives. I'm one of the first figures in their little lives that they will learn what trust, safety, and love looks like with. They will spend a good portion of their lives with me every single day. We eat breakfast together, we play together, we learn together, we cry together, we rest and relax together. Why is this so important to me?! I didn't know it would be. Like so many things in my life, I had no idea this would mean the world to me to be this person. Man, if these kids can handle being away from their homes all day, I can handle it too. Children teach you so much, at least, they have taught me so much, and it's here that I want to dedicate my life to them. To my own, and to my teeny tiny little students who trust me to protect them each day of their lives, and ... I really want to work with kids who have known the horrors I have. How do I get there?
Sometimes that responsibility is too much to grasp. Sometimes that responsibility is exactly why I wake up in the morning.
Being a teacher is exactly the thing that has helped me to realize what I want out of all of this. I want to impact the lives of children, and their families.
So often people want to help children because adults are pretty much a lost cause, am I right?! I am not. No one is a lost cause, and that's not at all why I want to do this. Children just deserve a chance at a better life, because my generation is falling apart. I want them to know they're not alone, and neither is their family. Helping them, the little ones, to learn empathy and compassion will go so far for their circle of humans. Showing them that their lives are worth more than what they are experiencing at home is... it's just everything.
It's a small miracle that I landed in this position of being able to call myself a teacher. With no degree, and no education backing this. Good people took a chance on me, and are helping to lift me up in this life, when others (my family) couldn't do that for me when I was a child. This kind of support, community, and general faith in another's ability (there's a word for this and I've lost it) is everything that every person on this planet deserves! And deserve is a funny word, but I won't ramble about that. I will say, I don't believe in the hierarchy's of the word deserve. Too much of our world is based on that principal, and I think it is tremendously f*cked up.
I'm taking every spare moment I have right now to both breathe, and try to breathe life into this thing I believe in. It might be more breaths than I have to give, but I won't stop trying.