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  • Alyse

A Little Scary


What I wouldn't give for a cigarette right now... *sigh*


Things are getting real, guys!


I had a two hour long conversation with a very good friend of mine yesterday. She's the one formatting this thing, and creating the cover, the personality of my book! She's incredible, and she's so much more to me then that. She's been my friend for over a decade. She's been there... she's been a huge support, although until our conversation yesterday I don't think she knew just how much of a support she's been.


That's just it, right? How can we know how we are impacting the lives of those around us? Truth be told, we don't. We have NO IDEA how we are impacting the people around us. Good or bad, we just don't know. We can't know! It's impossible to know. I've spent thousands of dollars trying to get this book worthy of being published, and it's all in an effort to impact the world around me, and I'm already succeeding! Only a handful of people have read this book so far, I've kept it very close to me, so it's been people who have either worked on it, or I desperately needed their approval of what I was doing. So, in total, five. Five people have read this book, and it's already happening. I'm impacting lives with my words, it's doing exactly what I had hoped it would do! That's incredible. Seriously incredible. I can't describe that feeling. Nope... not... not yet at least.


But there's a very scary side of all this. The side that makes me want to cave and buy a pack of cigarettes, something I haven't done in... 12 years?! I need to shake that off and have some coffee. I have to now sit here and consider what I'm going to write in my Disclaimer. The first piece of the book you'll read that says "Hey, guys, these are MY memories... heavy emphasis on MEMORIES. Memories aren't real, and are all about how the one person perceived a single event, or in my case several events. So don't get your panties in a twist over the words I've written." But I need to be much nicer, because no one likes that tone, and it's not my intention.


I have amazing intentions for writing what I've written. I want to change the world for the BETTER!!! Not for the worse. I don't want to make people upset, but the sad truth is, no matter what I write, I will upset some people. I just will.

Because each reader opening the cover of my book will come to the table, so to speak, with their own perception, opinion, and memories of this horrible thing happening in our country. They'll take it personally. Every one will. That's the point. I want you to. I want you to relate! But it won't all be good, and some people will become very angry. So, I'm scared, and I kinda want a smoke.


I have to cover some bases here. I have to be careful. I have to write disclaimers, and change some names, and detach my personal name from the business that is this book. It's actually very overwhelming.


I can't just write a book... I have to consider that I could very easily offend a great deal of people, and angry people do some scary shit! I would know... I lived with one very angry person for a very long time. And that's just it, man, if I can survive my life to get to this point... then maybe I can handle it?! But yeah, that's a big question I'm facing right now. Can I handle the angry people?

I'm a good person, with good intentions for the world, but sometimes that doesn't matter.


For all of the angry people who end up reading my book:

I can understand that you're angry because you're hurting in your own life. I was there. I am there sometimes still. It's OK to hurt. It's even OK to lash out. At least from where I sit, I can see the deeper pain you're experiencing that my book will likely bring out in you. For that, I'm sorry and I promise not to take it personally. This book will not be easily digested for some. I still feel that it's worth it to publish and put into your hands, because maybe you're angry now, but you won't be forever.


Let's keep moving forward, however scary this all is.