What are you doing with your Saturday morning? Shawn and I seem to be sifting through old documents and memories. It's so crazy to see things again and remember things we had forgotten about. Getting older is so weird. Something Shawn just found in old dusty file folder we've kept in the top of our closet for years and years, and through three different homes and two different states, is a letter I saved from my Grandma Jane. When he found he said "Oh, this is sad." and gently handed it over to me after reading it to himself.
The Letter dated 8-22-2007: Dear Alyse,
Thank you for the picture book. It's very special. I love it. Aryn is such a happy baby but growing up too fast. I wish things were different but I don't know what to do about anything. Your mother cried when she saw the pictures. Her heart is broken. You and Cody and her 3 granddaughters are the most important things in her life. I know she isn't perfect but she tries so hard. She has done a lot of things wrong but then haven't we all. In spite of everything she has tried hard to be a good mother and grandma. She has kind of given up. Right now I'm all she has and I can't hurt her anymore.
I love and miss all my grandkids. No body knows how much, but right now all I can do is try to take of your mother. I hope you understand. I am proud of you and and Shawn. You are great parents. Aryn is a lucky little girl. Good luck on your job and school. Kiss Aryn for me.
I remember when I got this, and I remember that I refused to talk to my mother at that time in my life. I think that might have even been when I changed my phone number so she would stop harassing me. Grandma Jane was a good woman, but lost like the rest of us on what was the right decision to make in her very broken family. Pieces of our family were scattered everywhere. Grandma Jane had a strained relationship with just about every single one of her kids, and then of course they started dying. At this point Teresa had been gone three years, and my uncle had killed himself a little over a year before. Those losses sat very heavy on her heart, and to have to struggle past the deaths of two of her children, and turn around and take care of another no one understood... Considering all of that, this is actually a very graceful and honest letter. Full of love, heartache, sorrow, and loss. Loss not just for the dead children she had, but for the family she would never be able to embrace in the ways the Hallmark Channel likes to portray. The pretty way we all kind of wish our families were. I wanted to share this here on the blog because it gives so much powerful insight into the woman who raised me and my mother, and struggled right along side all of us through our daily pains in life. You were an amazing woman Grandma Jane. Broken like the rest of us, but amazing nonetheless.